Monday, December 12, 2011

I can almost see you...

Some days, your shadow lurks around every corner I turn, and you're always two cars ahead of me. My heart drags on the ground, and to be near presentable, I tuck it gently into my pocket, hoping that no one notices. Remember laying down, and listening to me babble about moving away, to Austin? I wanted to get away with you, and you wanted to get away with me. Only your getaway was tangible, and mine was silly. You're there, at your getaway, what should have been our getaway should I have only taken your hand. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Sunday, August 7, 2011's just a day.

I'm worshiping fully and happily, being SO excited to feel the thick presense of my Lord filling the space in the sanctuary. My arms are lifted high for my Daddy, and my body is trembling. It's beautiful, I'm so happy to be plugged into this congregation of people that seek Jesus, and want to give God everything. Suddenly, my closed eyes are seeing, but not physically. It's a vision. A precious gift from God.

Masses of people are stumbling towards God, and they are dirty, covered in rubbish, and covered in chains, head to toe. A crowd of nasty, decrepid looking people. One leads the way to step up towards Jesus, and ever so gently, Jesus tenderly strokes His hands down the entirety of the person, releasing all the trash and chains from their clinging grip, and a bright, shining, and new being is revealed. Jesus picks him up, and brings him slowly towards His face, to admire what His precious hands have salvadged from the trash.

It's so beautiful, to be given the peace (and piece) of God, how He sees us. How His desire for each one of us, is to be caressed by Him, cleaned, and made into something of a sparkle in His Holy eyes.

I drop to my knees, and weep, for this vision is a reminder of what God had given me before. The eyes to see the treasure that IS every single human on this planet. "The good," "the bad", "the ugly," Him, are ALL pieces of gold that he see's worthy of keeping. We are TREASURES. So, in the midst of my weeping, my Lord is telling me "keep giving me all your tears, they're mine, give me everything" and he draws every salty tear from my eyes, and it's SO uncomfortable physically, sobbing SO hard and deep... but my spirit, knows how great God is, and that His work is always something that has me feel renewed and alive. Then my God speaks to me and says "Ok, that's enough." And instantly, my tears are turned to laughter and I'm filled with uncontrollable joy, and my spirit is bright, and giggly. And i am simply in AWE of how much power God has. What He seeks from me is more powerful, more real, more beautiful, more wonderful, more awesome, more pure, more holy, more fantastic, and more than enough. He fills me to be overflowing.

Beautiful. <3

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Truth Here!

Deeper research led me to a site that explains the traditions and origins of yoga. Each yoga pose is actually a physical offering to one of the 330 million Hindu gods.

“Many Westerners who practice yoga today are unaware that the physical positions assumed in yoga symbolize a spiritual act: worshiping one of the many Hindu gods,” Dr. Alexander said. “To a Hindu, yoga is the oa, utward physical expression of a deep spiritual belief. You cannot separate one from the other.”- George P. Alexander, PH.D

Holy Yoga, Batman!! Yoga IS the physical reflection of a deep spiritual belief of the Hindu religion. Yes, it is healthy for one to learn to stretch and breathe, but it is not healthy for me, a believer of Christ, to dabble in the religion of another. When A.K. Mozumda "the father of Christian Yoga" came to the western world between 1864-1953, he brought Yoga with him. We can call him the "missionary". People who don't know what yoga really is, and seem to think it is just a series of breathing and stretching (like me...10 minutes ago) are actually falling into a dramatic missionary movement for the Islamic religion!

“If man thinks and acts, is not the thinker and actor God? If God is all life, then all lives are God. The creative power is the very nature of the being of the Creator; hence the creative power is God. Life is the Creator, and will never be reduced to the level of its own creation. This knowledge sets a man free.” - A.K. Mozumda

Where is the Christian belief in that, at all?! As Christians, we believe that Jesus, and ONLY Jesus, is the way, the truth, and the light.

So, the Hindu's that brought us yoga knew exactly where it would lead us- to worship THEIR Gods. (330 I'm so happy to only have ONE God. :) I'm high-stressed enough...throw in 229 more gods to worship and I'd probably seriously frickin LOSE MY MIND.

And the time for meditation and relaxation at the end of the yoga classes, is meant to "open the mind, and clear it." As Christians, you are instructed to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2), not the emptying of your mind. By emptying your mind, and letting the knowledge and truth seep out of you..what could you potentially be opening yourself up to? Paul called satan "The prince of the power of the air" Eph 2:2....

I'm convinced enough. I want to worship my ONE God. He is more than enough for me. <3
Recently acknowledging an illness I've had since my teenage years, I am researching the options available to me to bring myself a peace of mind. I am seeking a nutritional specialist, a councelor, and my pastor/church/prayer. I am also seeking physical exercise. One avenue towards recovery is yoga. The stretching/healing/BREATHING all sounds tremendously beneficial to my highly-spun and overly uptight mind. I am a high-stress individual, and it hurts me in every way, because I don't want to be. I want to be able to breathe through all situations, and maintain a peaceful, healthy calm. Yoga is GREAT for this. It teaches you that through all situations (aka poses), to breathe, and maintain a steady breath. So I'm doing research about Christian Yoga, (oxymoronic), and some sites just scoff at it, others are bluntly against it. Yoga was developed by Hindu Masters, it's their way of reaching a self-enlightenment, and acknowledging the divine that they believe is within each person. The word 'Namaste' literally means "I bow to the divine within you." from my Christian standpoint, when we accept Jesus Christ, and invite him into our hearts, he dwells there FOREVER. (Ephesians 3) So....for a Christian to bow to another Christian and acknowledging that jesus lives within us... it should be "OK", right? I find myself frustrated that a few links say that practicing Yoga is spiritually detrimental to the Christian's faith and spirituality. Simply because Christianity is from (western philosophy) and Yoga was created by (eastern philophy.) Are these pastors saying that we only worship the God that is on our western side? My faith is that my God is the ONLY God. He is the Alpha and the Omega, beginning and end, and He is high above ALL else. Even the Gods that other religions and cultures worship. My God created those people, those people created those gods. God doesn't worry about those "gods" because he knows He's the only REAL big guy up there. Also, side note, So many of the practices and teachings of eastern religions are identical to the teachings of Jesus Christ.

(deep breath)

I think that I can practice yoga, as a means to teach myself to be calm, and breathe. God is God, and always will be God, wether i, or anyone else, does yoga. I think it's healthy.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Forever rain

Let's be torn down once and final. The break so deep it never heals. I wish I would have reached this slum earlier on in life. It's a true reckoning of one's self worth. And how we are worth absolutely nothing. It's humility that God seeks. To feel without structure, and to feel the karmatic rain that sears through you until your bones melt and you're an absolute nothing. A blank canvas, an unshaped ball of clay. I'd like to know that I am, without God, just that. Unshaped clay, trying to make itself into a ceramic masterpiece, but without hands of structure, and a wheel upon which to be spun.

To you reading, I Love you.
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Monday, September 20, 2010


The frustration sets into concrete, making simplicity a novelty rather than reality. There's something that must be spoken, but the hand prints on the windows say much more than words. I Love you, I still Love you, until the sails of this ship reach some hidden harbor, forbidden, exclusive, and unfaltering to the fleet behind. You promised me an eye patch, and it was my nails that scratched your vision. Please, sweet vagrant, be still and be kind, and sooth my words with your heart. Don't forget Love. Please. She hasn't forgotten you.